This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fuck chores, knit more. Hello, I am procrastinating. I need to wash dishes, put away laundry, unpack so many boxes, organize my craft supplies, pay bills (WHY do I not do this?? I have money?), hang up all my wall decor, clean the bathroom, clean the kitchen, scoop the litterbox and clean the shit off the floor, etc., forever and ever I have things to do. I have decided, just now, that instead of beating myself up all the time for not getting chores done with obsessive regularity, I will do some sort of art or craft every day. Instead of, "I have to wash dishes or I'm a horrible failure as an adult," it will be, "I have to knit, because it's good for me." Because when I'm honest with myself, I don't care if my apartment is clean. I don't. I never have. I have been messy since I was five years old. And it never bothered me. I tell myself that I'm a bad person if I don't keep up with chores, that I'm lazy, and other people don't seem to have a problem cleaning, so why can't I get off my ass and do it, too? I tell myself that I want to be a tidy person. But truth be told, I don't give a fuck. It's a waste of time. Really, I know that other people judge messy people, so I lie to myself and try to convince myself it's important to me to be neater. When I look at what I've reallyalways wanted to do with my life, it's art. That five year old who didn't give a fuck about her messy room? She wanted to be an artist when she grew up. I've been telling myself, you can't do your crafts until you get your chores done. It's just another way for me to try to force myself into someone else's mold. I don't care anymore if KO's mom wouldn't let her leave until she picked her laundry up off the floor. That's great for her if she wants to spend all her precious free time vacuuming and scrubbing, and then hit the gym, and then cook, and then clean up after cooking, etc. I don't have the fucking energy and patience for that and I'm tired of comparing myself to her, to my sister, and anyone else who tries to turn cleaning (and working out, for that matter) into a fucking religion. I'm still going to go do the dishes now, but then I'm going to fucking knit. <3 8:31 p.m. - 2014-11-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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