This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page.
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Villains always blink their eyes
Yeah, so... I haven't updated in quite a while. Oops. I just haven't had anything to write about. So here is an entry so everyone knows I still exist.
Let's see now, what have I done lately? Seriously, I can't think of anything important. I went shopping with my mom the other day. And I bought a Crest Spinbrush today and it is my new best friend. While I was in the toothbrush section of the store, I saw another toothbrush and it had a little Lego man in it! It was so cool! I almost bought it but then I remember that if I want to go to Ozzfest in August I should probably save my money.
Only I don't know if I'll get to go to Ozzfest because NS doesn't seem to want to go. I'll talk to her about it soon, I imagine. I really want to go. I haven't been to a concert all summer. And I've never been to Ozzfest. So I am going to have to find someone to go with me if NS doesn't want to.
Hey wow. I accidentally left this up for like, an hour. Oops. Anyway, I'm done writing. Goodbye.
4:56p.m. - 2004-07-12
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Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart
Tonight was weird. DM called me earlier today and asked if I wanted to go see the fourth of July fireworks display at the mall with him, since NS will probably still be in Arizona. I said I could probably do that. He called again at about 9:00 tonight and asked if he could come over and talk.
He's really lonely without NS. He doesn't really have friends except for the people NS hangs out with, so NS told him he should come over and talk to me because she trusts me not to steal her man. Not that I'd want to. I am not attracted to him at all.
He got to talking about how jealous he gets. NS is a very attractive girl, so I can kind of understand where he's coming from. Guys are always flirting with her. I don't remember but I think it was when we were talking about this when he started to cry. I didn't know what to do because I have seen very few guys cry, so I just pretended I didn't notice. I know he was embarrassed.
DM, NS and I are supposed to do something next Friday, maybe bowling or something. He said maybe ARay could come because NS and I both talk to him, but I don't know. That would be weird because ARay has a thing for NS and I would probably just end up getting jealous. Because I don't think I'm even romantically interested in ARay but I guess I'd like some attention from him. Or anyone, really.
1:04 a.m. - 2004-06-30
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I've been picking scabs again
Does it seem wrong to anyone else that a ten year old little girl has the power to make grown adults cry? Because apparently that is just normal and does not require punishment. But it is common knowledge that if you hit that little girl, you're a horrible person. Yup.
10:10 a.m. - 2004-06-26
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I could sleep for a thousand years
Only I couldn't sleep very well last night. I went to bed at 2:30, I think, and started thinking about the usual things. I am a very confused little girl. I want a boyfriend, but I... don't want a relationship? How much sense does that make? I was thinking a lot about things like that... I don't know why I'm so mixed up about this. Perhaps because I don't think anything will last? Or maybe because I just get tired of people after a while.
Anyway, that led to the old familiar idea that I am going to be alone for a very very long time. Which brought on something like a very mild anxiety attack. So to take my mind off things, I watched Cheers. It took an hour for me to get my heart rate back to normal. It wouldn't have been so long, but I was thinking about it instead of giving the television my full attention. It wasn't that bad; I read that a healthy resting heart rate is between 66 and 72 beats per minute, and mine was at 80, I think. Yeah, I counted, because that is how pathetic I am. But you know it is when it's 3:30 in the morning and you have nothing to do. I was curious.
So then I finally got to sleep after 4:00. At about 9:30, my sisters apparently decided it was time for me to wake up. Which really pisses me off because they are usually gone by 7:45. I got up at about 9:50 and asked why they were still home, and BRS was acting all scared like I was going to yell at her or something. Only I didn't because they never listen when you yell, they only yell back. Anyway, BRS told me they were going to my grandparents' house today, which leads me to believe that MLS must have whined and begged like she always does because she hates their regular babysitter. Which is understandable because I hated that bitch too.
But why does that allow them to wake me up every fucking morning? It is not fair because when my father is asleep, everyone has to be quiet, and if somebody wakes him up, he comes storming out of his room, cursing like a sailor. But nobody does a goddamn thing to keep my sisters quiet every morning, and when I yell at them for waking me up, I'm the villain.
So. I am tired today. And it is about 11:30, and nobody is online, and I am fucking bored as hell. JD said he would come over but he always shows up around five or six o'clock. This is why I don't wake up early in the summer. I get so bored I start pacing around the house.
On a completely unrelated note, I have not seen AH and NS in ages. What ever happened to staying in touch with your friends? I would call them, but they're always busy hanging out with more important people, I guess.
On an even more unrelated note, listen to "Venus in Furs" by the Velvet Underground. It is an awesome song. Technically it is by the Velvet Underground and Nico, but I did a bit of research and found that when Andy Warhol had them performing in his studio, the Factory, he decided that Nico was a better performer than Lou Reed. Only she didn't sing in that song, just stood there and looked pretty. So I guess it is still by only the Velvet Underground... But it's on the Velvet Underground and Nico album. Yes. Anyway, listen to Venus in Furs. It is musical sex.
11:55 a.m. - 2004-06-25
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