Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||| 33% Stability |||||||||| 33% Orderliness |||||| 26% Accommodation |||||||||||| 50% Interdependence |||||||||||||||||| 76% Intellectual |||||||||||| 43% Mystical |||||| 23% Artistic |||||| 30% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||| 16% Materialism |||||||||||| 50% Narcissism |||||| 23% Adventurousness |||| 16% Work ethic |||| 16% Self absorbed |||||||||||| 50% Conflict seeking || 10% Need to dominate |||||| 23% Romantic |||||| 23% Avoidant |||||||||| 36% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70% Wealth || 10% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 70% Change averse |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56% Individuality |||||||||||| 43% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical Fitness |||||||||||| 44% Histrionic |||||| 30% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70% Vanity |||||||||||||| 56% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63% Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 63%

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Stability
results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness
results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion
results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:


messy, depressed, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, bizarre, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, irritable, frequently second guesses self, unassertive, unsympathetic, low self control, observer, worrying, phobic, suspicious, unproductive, avoidant, negative, bad at saving money, emotionally sensitive, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, submissive, daydreamer

So that actually reveals a lot about me as a person. Kind of makes me look bad, but I don't really care. Hmm. More about myself... I'm eighteen. I work at Michaels, the craft store. I love Nirvana and lots of other music. I will make a list of bands I like some day, probably. I am a vegetarian. I like webcomics. I don't do much. Which is why I have time to be sitting around writing up boring descriptions of myself on the internet.

Now, on to what's happening in my life. I found out that my last boyfriend cheated on me. So that's interesting. I'm more angry about it than I'm letting on. I'm telling everyone I don't care much that he cheated, more that he lied so much while we were together. But really, I do care. And I don't know why because it's not like I never wanted to cheat on him. I just didn't, because I thought it would hurt him. I wish I had cheated, now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hurt at all by this because I did not love him, did not even come close to loving him, in fact was quite disgusted with him even while we were still together, towards the end. I'm angry. I let my guard down and trusted him and he betrayed me. And people think I'm too suspicious and too cautious. Well, can you blame me?

Honestly, I feel sorry for his new girlfriend, if he's even calling her that. I wonder if she even knew about me, and how many lies he's telling her. Oh well. JD says he's stuck with the lease on the apartment for another year, whereas JD can get out of it because he got his uncle to write him a fake work transfer. So I think karma pretty much just kicked his ass.

Now that I have been single for about a month, my friend DBeck is persuing me, but only as friends with benefits because he is afraid of relationships, I think. This is good, because I need some lovin', but bad, because DBeck is kind of a man whore and I do not want to get STDs. We fooled around a bit the other day, but nothing important got touched. Time of the month, you know. It was fun, but my nipples are still sore. I think before I have sex with him I will have to insist that he get tested, and get tested myself. Because hey, who knows how long DMark was cheating on me, and who knows if it was just with the one girl? I also really need to go back on birth control. The pill this time, since the fucking patch never stayed on.

I'm supposed to go to Freaker's Ball tomorrow with DBeck. But I don't know how drunk he's going to be. He says he's trying to get a friend to drive him, but I imagine his friend will be intoxicated at some point as well. I can't drive out to Kansas City. Traffic is bad and my mom won't let me. So hooray, maybe I won't go at all. I'm not sure I'd want to be around DBeck when he is drunk anyway. He might not listen when I say no. He's supposed to call me tonight so I can ask him some questions about it, but he hasn't. He probably forgot. He does that a lot.

10:32 p.m. - 2005-10-21

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A very merry unbirthday to me

Hey, I'm updating. I didn't mean to wait so long. I haven't had too much personal stuff happening that I needed to vent about or anything. I've been using my Xanga daily, sometimes twice a day or even three times.


I thought I ought to write about my dream this morning. It started out with me and NS doing something, I don't remember what, and then we decided to take a walk. We walked for a very long time and ended up in a very pretty area, sort of in the country but there were still a lot of houses. We saw a bunch of people from school, mostly athletes, outside of one house and stopped to talk. They were having some sort of silly competition. And THam was there!


I was talking to someone and he was standing nearby listening. I finished talking and started walking away, and he kept moving closer. I tried moving away a bit because I was nervous with him there, and he said "Don't move away, I like you." Something like that. I didn't say anything because I couldn't think of anything. I was elated, but I guess it didn't show. I probably looked shocked. Anyway, He said something like "I guess that means we won't be going on any dates?" And I said "Oh no, we should definitely go on some dates."


Then he put his arm around me, and then we went over to this big chair (Or it might have been a bench)and I curled up and put my arms around his waist and he put his arm around my shoulder and we cuddled. I was so happy and I kept thinking, "This has to be a dream," but then I thought, "It feels too real to be a dream." And it did. Then he said, "I can't wait to taste you, and see how you kiss." And I woke up.


I remember actually saying out loud, "No!" I almost cried. It was perfect. It wasn't fair.


So I was very lonely today. Actually, I was lonely last night as well. On the way home from the movies, NS and I were talking about society and beauty and guys. I am ridiculously jealous of her, but I also know that being really hot like her would be no walk in the park either. While it is easier for her to meet guys, it's hard to tell them she's not interested, or that she just wants to be friends. And I've been thinking about it, and I think a lot of guys expect a hot girl to sleep with them. Maybe it's the confidence she has or something.


But attractive people have it so much easier when it comes to first impressions. Jim Gaffigan said that if an attractive person smiles at you, you think "Oh, he's nice." But if an ugly person smiles at you, you think "What does he want?" That is completely true. People don't want to be around ugly people. It's why the fat kid in kindergarten doesn't have any friends.


I have a little theory, see, that the kids don't want to hang out with the ugly kid, so the ugly kid either has little confidence and becomes really shy, or the kid doesn't learn how to behave around the other kids. They misbehave or do strange things. So when they finally learn (usually sometime in middle school) that it doesn't matter what people look like, usually they still don't want to hang out with the ugly kid because they have no social skills.


Of course, this could be me not taking responsibility for my own lack of social skills. Really, it all depends on which side you take in the "nature v. nurture" debate.


Anyway, I'm just really frustrated with my inability to attract guys. And it's never going to get easier, unless my face softens up or something. And if that did happen, since I refuse to tan or get a boob job, it probably wouldn't make much of a difference.


It shouldn't be this way.

8:48 p.m. - 2005-03-27

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I tried hard to have a father but instead I had a dad

My mother is in Las Vegas on a business trip. Which means my dad is pretending to be a parent. But he's not in it for the love, loyalty, responsibility, and mutual respect. He's in it for the authority.


And I hate MLS just as much as he does, if not more. But he's being unfair. He won't punish BRS for anything, just gives her warnings, like "If you scream one more time I'm sending you to your room!" And she screams several more times, so he punishes MLS for making her scream. Apparently he saw her kicking BRS but he did not see all the stuff Bailey was doing to MLS. So he punished MLS, justifying it by saying "I punish what I see."


He treats her like shit and he treats me the same way, just not as often because he knows I won't take it from him. But she's little and doesn't realize that he won't really hit her with the fly swatter. I kind of wish he would, just once, so my mom would kick him out. Though I'm not sure if she would.


It's getting worse between them, though. They argue all the time and they've been yelling more. Which is a blessing in disguise to me, because maybe it'll trigger something in my mom and she'll finally divorce him. I don't know why she hasn't yet. None of us like him. Especially her. And me, but that's beside the point.


Oh hey, I got a Xanga account. I will still update here, though, because this is for personal whiny stuff. I haven't actually given my username out to anyone from school yet, because I'm nervous about stuff like that. I come off as whiny, no matter who I'm talking to, even if it's online. So I have to be very careful about what I post.

9:12 p.m. - 2005-03-08

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