This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fuck you, Halloween. I used to love Halloween. I got to dress up and go trick or treating, even if it was just with my mom and she made me wear a coat. Then I finally got old enough to go without my mom, and my friends thought they were too cool for Halloween. I never really got to experience it. I am pretty bummed about never having anything to do on Halloween anymore. It's like how most people feel when they're alone on Valentine's Day. I was all pissy earlier, but I'm over that. It's not worth being mean to everyone just because I'm not having a good time. Actually, I'm feeling pretty good now. Been talking to an online friend and I've downloaded some music by Polaris, the band who played a lot of the music on the Adventures of Pete and Pete. Which, by the way, season two comes out on DVD tomorrow! I'm stopping at Best Buy on Wednesday after work to pick it up, since it's right across the street from where I work. I think I am perpetually stuck in the 90s. 9:44 p.m. - 2005-10-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello, my name is ANS and I'm a blogwhore. Seriously, I just realized I have three blogs, two of which I post nearly identical entries in. I suck. So continuing my blogwhoring now with a survey: Name: Right Handed or Left Handed: Right. Your Heritage: Dutch, German, Irish, Scottish, English, probably some other stuff as well, but I'm pretty sure I'm all European.
I figured things were finally going well, I've got a job and I'm pretty much used to it now, and I don't have too hard a time talking to people at work anymore. But then I noticed how the other girls (and JFries) at work talk to each other, like they're friends. JF has taken quite a liking to Tess, and I'm jealous. No, I don't have a thing for JF, since he's married and also reminds me of DMark, I just wish I could be one of those people you hear other people talking about. "Oh yeah, she's cool as hell, really funny, really sweet, just a great person to be around," stuff like that. That's how Tess is. It also doesn't help that she's really hot. Now matter how hard I try, I am never going to be one of those girls who can just glide through a conversation. I can't manage to have a single conversation where I don't say something awkward, and then obviously appear embarrassed. And I'm not like most girls my age; I don't party, I don't go to school, I don't even usually go out, except to work. I have nothing to talk about. And I am so afraid of trying something new and being in a situation I haven't been in before, I never do anything. I turned down a chance to hang out with JD and JK at this mock rave Halloween party thing at the Granada tonight. I said I was tired and sick, which is true, but I was nervous about it. I didn't know what to do, where to go, or whatever. I didn't want to be around all those people tonight, either. I don't know if I would have been able to handle it. Another reason I'm bummed is JBeg. This happened two years ago after Freaker's Ball, too. He is like the coolest guy ever, very intelligent, and really hot, and, as I found out, very good at fingering, but he lives like an hour away so we can't date. I am totally infatuated with him, just like I was a couple of years ago. I swear, he's about as close to perfect as a guy can get for me. 11:22 p.m. - 2005-10-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hot lovin' in Kansas City So I went to visit JBeg in KC today We were supposed to meet up at Barnes and Noble, but I got lost and ended up calling him from the Union Station parking lot, and he just met me there, and then we continued to Barnes and Noble, where we sat and read magazines and were boring. After that we went back to his house, and hung out in his room. We watched some TV and talked, and he kept tickling me and trying to get me to fool around with him. I told him I was all insecure, but hell, I wanted to fool around with him. Seriously, he is the hottest guy who's ever not been repulsed by me. And he is so much fun to be around. I am majorly crushing, and from the way he was acting, so is he. So eventually I moved closer to him, and he was like, "Looks like you just made the first move," and I was like, "So? What are you going to do about it?" And he grabbed me and kissed me and of course that led to making out, which led to me taking my shirt off, which led to him fingering me, which was a hell of a lot better fingering than I ever got from JD or DMark. After a while, I gave him a handjob, then we did the whole "tit fuck" thing. There is no intelligent term for tit fucking, so that is just what I'm going to have to call it. Anyway, this was the first time anyone's ever done that to me. It was boring, frankly, but he enjoyed it. I stroked him some more, then we went back to tit fucking, and he came on my chest. Which was strangely arousing. After that I cleaned off and we put our clothes back on and he drove me back to the parking garage, where we tried to figure out how I'd get home, and then I followed him to a street (I forgot which one) where he stopped, got out to say bye, and surprised me by grabbing me and kissing me and then giving me a hug. Which was more like a headlock because it was through the car window. And I only got lost once! I stopped at a gas station and everyone was really nice and a guy even held the door for me! Which normally I think is sexist but I'm trying to not let that bother me anymore, because hey, it's a nice gesture, even if it is usually only because I'm female. Anyway, I took a few highways home, got off, but went the wrong direction. However, I knew where I was because it was the route I used to take to JD and DMark's, so I was able to turn around and get home with no problems. So I guess something good did come out of dating that dickhead. Anyway, I got home at 3:00. I had a wonderful night. I am going to have to do that again some time. 3:13 a.m. - 2005-10-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fucking cheating bastard. I talked to NS tonight! I miss her so much. I felt like crying after I got off the phone with her. I don't know why I've been all emotional lately. Probably menstrual stuff. Anyway, it was great to talk to her again. Reminded me how awesome she is and how much I care about her. So hey, in the middle of writing this, JD called me. I just got off the phone with him, it's after 3:00. He tried to give the phone to DMark so I could ask him a few questions about why he cheated on me, how long it went on, why he fucking lied to me, etc. DMark was like "Nope, nope, nope" every time JD tried to give him the phone. How fucking immature is that? I hate him and I think if he died, I wouldn't care. Karma is going to kick his ass so hard. I actually kind of feel better, though. I got to hear him cowering in fear. That was kind of satisfying. I don't care if this sounds cruel that I'm enjoying this. He needs to be scared. I was so close to giving JD permission to beat him up, but that's wrong, I guess. I really don't care. I want him to hurt. It isn't right to lie and destroy a person's trust. But you know what? JD's a really good friend. I remembered tonight how much I care about him. I'd say he and NS are my best friends, probably the best I've ever had. You'd think I'd be in a really bad mood after this, but I'm not at all. I'm glad to at least have friends like those two. Anyway, I need to get to bed. I'm going to be paying for this tomorrow at work. 3:13 a.m. - 2005-10-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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