This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Take me to the place I love Yeah, I am listening to RHCP because I just remembered they existed today. So I got the event coordinator job. I start Monday. I guess they hired another one too, so there will be two? Not sure how that'll work. I hope whoever else is doing it is close to my age. If they're older, I'll feel like they have more authority over me. I really don't want to have to feel like I have to report to someone who's supposed to be my equal. I had the greatest time ever at work last night. I'm going to miss cashiering. I don't think I'll be able to talk to people as much now. Sam worked last night and so did TW, and they are both awesome. I guess I kind of had a crush on Sam but I'm pretty sure he's gay, so that's out of the question. However, I just found out that PF is only 21! Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have many chances to talk to him since he works nights and I work weekday mornings now. I wouldn't know how to go about making a move anyway, since any unwanted attention could be considered sexual harrassment. Oh well. Another crush that never went anywhere. It's still fun pining over him, though. Seriously, though, I need to find myself a boyfriend. Lately I've really been craving some physical attention, ranging from cuddling to sex, usually just cuddling though. I got to fool around a few weeks ago, but I haven't had any cuddling since the last time I was hanging out with DBeck. I need to call him. And NS. And JD. I am a bad friend. I got my fucking period three days early. I used to get it every 28 days, give or take one or two every couple of months, and then I want on the patch. Ever since I stopped because that thing does not fucking stay on, my cycle's been screwed up. Not bad or anything, but not as regular as it was. Anyway, I got my period and I feel like crap and tomorrow is probably going to be hell. This concludes my monthly rant on menstruation. So I've been thinking and I'm pretty gross. Like, I really need to lose weight, of course, but other things about me aren't so appealing as well. My teeth are yellow and I need a better hairstyle and some highlights, maybe. Mostly, though, I am fucking sick of my acne. Eating I can control, if I really want to, but for about four years now I have not been able to stop myself from popping zits on my shoulders, and I've been doing it to my face since I was ten. It's not really a problem on my face, because a zit or two is accepted if it's on your face. If it's on your back or breasts or shoulders, though, everyone thinks you're a greasy disgusting pig who doesn't bathe. Almost every night I pop as many as I can find, even tiny little blackheads. I can't understand why I enjoy this, but I do, I really do. I especially like the ones that you can actually hear popping. It's just so satisfying when it happens. I'm getting more and more scars and I really need to get this under control. I haven't worn a tank top in front of people in years. A couple of people know I have acne on my shoulders, but nobody knows I pop it. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone about it. I'm almost ready to go to a dermatologist. Surely they get weirdos like me in there sometimes. Hey, it's 2:00. I should go to bed. 1:57 a.m. - 2005-11-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My eye hurts. Been a while. I'm getting promoted to event coordinator, probably! So that's pretty cool. I'm really loving work now. I guess it's making it a little easier to talk to people. In other news, I'm lonely tonight. I want to be held. Blame this on Friends, the episode where Joey goes on a date with Rachel and realizes he has feelings for her and then holds her because she is scared because she is watching Cujo. Also I need to get laid. Or at least fingered. Preferably by JBeg because he is amazing at that. I need to hang out with him again soon, I think. But not just yet because I have this awful infection right now and I am all itchy. Being female sucks. As far as I know, I didn't even do anything to cause this! Stupid vagina. 8:37 p.m. - 2005-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bleh We can thank our good friend Howard Stern for this entry. See, I hate Howard Stern, because he has all these beautiful women on his show and he tells women who are like 5'7 and weigh 110 pounds that they're at the perfect weight. When in fact, that is underweight. And anytime a women comes in who is at a normal weight, he tells her to lose twenty pounds. This creates an unrealistic and unhealthy beauty standard, makes women think they're ugly, and makes men think any woman who weighs more than a hundred pounds is fat. Now, this is all valid and I totally stand behind it, but another reason that it pisses me off is because I need to lose twenty pounds. See, I have never managed to lose more than four pounds, so this is very difficult for me. Of course, I've never really tried, either. I hate exercising, and I love eating. And I have no willpower. In fact, right before I started typing this, I consumed a mini Milky Way bar. See, this is where a miracle diet pill would come in handy. Or a tapeworm. Whoa, I think something just exploded inside my ears. It was pretty cool. 1:36 a.m. - 2005-11-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's no good because you're everywhere. Man, this is a good song. It is called Everywhere. It's by Polaris, the band that played a lot of the music for the Adventures of Pete and Pete. Which is the best old Nickelodeon show ever. I'm picking up season two on DVD tomorrow after work. Today was pretty boring, just the way I like it. I spent all day listening to music, reading comics, and working on the back cover for my sister's CD. I finished it. It's pretty cool. For a while I went down to the park to take pictures before all the leaves fell off. I guess I was too late for my favorite tree. Last year it was covered in vines, and the leaves had turned red, and it looked amazing. Today there was almost nothing on it. I guess tonight the good mood has mostly of worn off. I'm not in a bad mood or anything, though. Just not elated like I was earlier. I'm kind of lonely, too, I guess. I was thinking, and I don't really have anyone I'm close to. I suppose I want a relationship again. See, I'm kind of messed up that way. I whine and whine about being lonely, and then once I'm in a relationship, I don't want to be tied down. As if I'd really have any luck with another guy anyway. Really, I think I'm just bummed about not being able to date JBeg. I think we'd make a pretty good couple. We do have quite a few things in common. Similar taste in music, love for Adult Swim, we both like Invader Zim... Hmm, I was sure there was more. Whatever, he's really cool and I should be able to date him and it is bugging me that I can't. I mean I'm not like, depressed or anything, but it's frustrating. It's only a forty-five minute drive. It is not that big a deal. I used to drive almost that long to see DMark. At least JBeg would be worth it. Moving on to a completely unrelated subject: As of last night, I am a huge Foo Fighters fan. Thank you, Limewire, for enriching my life so. I really need their first album. Luckily for me, Christmas is less than two months away. Shit, Christmas is less than two months away. I'm probably going to actually have to buy presents this year, seeing as I have a job and all. I don't mind losing the money, because I haven't been spending it anyway. I just hate shopping for other people because I never know what to get them. Wow, I am actually panicking about Christmas. So this is what adulthood feels like. Ha. 1:20 a.m. - 2005-11-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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