This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page.

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Hey it's 2006.

Hey it's a survey.
I confess that in 2005 I...

( ) stayed single the whole year.
(X) kissed someone new
( ) made-out for the first time
(X) made-out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) kissed in the rain
( ) fell in love
( ) fell in love with a fool
( ) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else's heart
(X) had a stalker (almost anyway)
( ) had a good relationship with someone
( ) questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
( ) kissed someone of the same sex
(X) dated someone you'll never forget
(X) done something you've regretted
( ) kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL
( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
(X) changed jobs (Got my first one)
( ) lost your job
( ) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
() dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
( ) got straight A's
(X) met one teacher you really like
(X) met one teacher you really hated
( ) found the subject you love
( ) failed a class (Almost failed several)
( ) cut class
(X) skipped school
(X) got into a fight with a classmate
(X) did something you were proud of
(X) discovered a new talent
( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(X) proved yourself an idiot
(X) embarassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) got a lead in the school play
( ) made a varsity team
(X) were involved in something you'll never forget
( ) got sent to the office

OTHER
(X) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
( ) ran a mile (lots and lots and lots of them)
(X) listened to music you couldn't stand
(X) double-dipped
(X) skinny-dipped
(X) went to a sleepover
( ) went to camp
( ) threw a surprise party
(X) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(X) flirted shamelessly
( ) visited a foreign country
(X) visted a different state
(X) cooked a disasterous meal
(X) lost something important to you
( ) realized something new about yourself
(X) went on a diet
( ) tried to gain weight
( ) dyed your hair
( ) came close to losing your life
( ) someone close to you died
( ) went to a party
( ) drank alcohol
( ) got drunk
( ) got arrested
( ) read a great book
(X) saw a great movie
( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(X) saw your favorite band/artist live (well, one of them. Black Sabbath!)
( ) saw someone famous in person
(X) did something you want to tell everyone.

In other news, RF and I are not doing so well. He never calls me. We never see each other either. Which is crazy on his part because we could have fucked so many times. We tried to once, but the condom was sliding so we quit. It was very disappointing because there was so much building up to it, and the anxiety from him going out to his car to get the condoms, and then it lasted like two minutes.

I don't know what'll happen. If he doesn't start calling me when he says he's going to, I'm breaking up with him. Hopefully he'll start calling.

9:17 p.m. - 2006-01-06

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New boyfriend!

Holy crap, I keep forgetting I have this account. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was at JD's and his friend RF came over with his friend Katie. RF asked me how old I was and kept flirting with me and I gave him a few hugs, and I followed him home part of the way and gave him my number when we stopped at a gas station to say bye.

So the next time we hung out (at JD's again) and we cuddled on the couch and when it was time to go he came outside and was like "I didn't get to kiss you!" And I was all happy.

We've been pretty physical lately. No sex yet, but last time he came over he gave me oral and I gave him a handjob. He is bigger than DMark! And much better at foreplay. And he makes noise, which is such a turn-on for me.

We almost had sex the other night, but he'd left the condoms in his car. Which is good. I would have regretted it. I'm worried the relationship will turn out to be just physical like the last one, and I don't want that, as fun as it is. We need to slow down. Too much physical stuff changes things for me. It's like I look at the guy like a fuck buddy rather than a boyfriend, and I can already see myself starting to do that and that's not what I want at all with RF.

6:10 p.m. - 2005-12-18

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I suck.

So you know how I am a creepy stalker who reads other people's blogs, even though I never talk to them? Well, I hit a new low just now and searched for PF on MySpace, and guess what. I found him.

I read his blog entries, and he is really intelligent, and really deep and philosophical. Not to mention he's a very talented artist. And I am feeling very discouraged because how could a guy like that be interested in me? I'm pretty dumb, and I can't really understand philosophical stuff.

I just realized that this is probably why I never have anything to say. I mean, in school when we would have group discussions, I never spoke because I never knew what to say. I usually didn't have an opinion either way because I didn't know enough about the subject. And when I did have an opinion, I could never find the words to express it without coming across as totally clueless, and not persuasive at all.

Damn. I haven't felt like this in quite a while. I've been pretty happy, mostly. And more confident. Tonight though, I'm pretty bummed. I guess because most of the guys I'm interested in are too smart for me, and too deep. Actually all of them right now. Really, I've only dated morons, except for CJohnson. I mean JD's not stupid, just not one of those really deep guys that you can have long, intelligent conversations with. Not that I could anyway.

This does not mean I am going to forget about PF. It just means maybe I will have to do some reading!

10:59 p.m. - 2005-11-26

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My teeth feel weird.

Haven't written in a little while. Not much has been going on. I hung out with JD last night at his new place. It's nice because it doesn't smell like ass. He and JK are still the same, fighting constantly about the dumbest shit you can imagine. It was good to see both of them, though.

DBeck called me the other night. He's living with his friend in an apartment now. Which makes me nervous because now he is really going to try and get me to have sex with him, and I just don't want to risk getting a disease. I guess we can just fool around a little, but I know he wouldn't be satisfied with that for long.

In other boy-related news, I have noticed that JBeg has been signing onto AIM a lot more lately. He told me he almost never got online, but lately I've been seeing him on almost every other night. This is going to sound really conceited, but could that be because he's interested in me and knows I'll probably be online? I know he at least wants to get together and fool around some more, so that could be why, but come on, it's possible, right? We have similar interests, and we get along pretty well.

As usual, I started writing this an hour ago and forgot about it until now. Awesome.

5:22 p.m. - 2005-11-19

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