This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (No title) Today was ridiculous and probably tonight will be ridiculous as well. Work was really busy, and I had to stay an hour later to write the break schedule so as to avoid eating lunch as late as 1:15 again. I really hate my job and I want to look for another one, but I don't know where to start. I just really don't want to work in retail, especially in customer service. The other day I got so pissed off at this crazy lady that I was shaking and my stomach hurt, and I had to ask AC to take over the register for me so I wouldn't take it out on some innocent customer. I was really looking forward to this party we're having tonight, but now I'm not because KH and JT will be there. I hate to say it, but I don't really want to hang around them anymore. They embarrass me. They're just really awkward. It's so wrong because that's exactly what all my friends did to me in high school, stopped hanging out with me because they found cooler friends. I don't want to do that to KH but it's kind of happening on its own. I've been having a hard time focusing on things lately. Well, harder than usual. It's probably just sleep deprivation. I was at work and I had an entire conversation with this girl J from the frame shop, and then I realized that I couldn't remember hardly anything either of us had just said. Sometimes I try really hard to focus on what people are saying, but it just leads to me repeating in my head what someone just said, and then I'm so busy thinking about the last thing they said that I forget to listen to the next thing, and then they ask me a question, and I'm fucked. Sometimes I wonder if I have ADD or if I'm just generally an asshole with poor listening skills. Anyway, the party is supposed to start in an hour. Time to get pretty. 10:51 p.m. - 2006-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (No title) First post from the old Blogger diary Hey, new blog. I don't know if I'll keep it yet. Or show it to people. I don't know. I have been in kind of a bad mood today. No real reason other than being tired and people being idiots. I actually have a lot that I've been thinking about but I don't have time to write it out right now because I'm heading over to MD's pretty soon for dinner. Maybe later? Maybe not if I forget. Tomorrow night is my baby sister's music program. I don't know if it's choir or band or just regular music class or what, but I'm looking forward to going. It makes me happy to see my sister singing or playing music because I can tell that she really enjoys it. She sits down at the piano or organ and does a pretty good job and it's obvious how proud of herself she is when she plays. Even when she plays her flute, she's terrible, but she loves it and that makes me happy. I'm not necessarily looking forward to the rest of the evening, though. I will have to spend time with my family, which should not be a bad thing. I'm even getting along with my dad better now that I've moved out. But MLS always ruins it. I couldn't even enjoy a conversation with my mom over the phone tonight because MLS was in the background bitching about how she didn't want tacos, she wanted hamburgers, and my mom was stupid for making tacos. Usually when I go back to D-town I end up getting pissed off and leaving so that my sister and I don't get into a fight. I need to find a better layout than this. 7:39 p.m. - 2006-11-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Last night So I suppose last night's entry deserves to be covered more in depth. ML, that guy LH met at the party brought over some hash. He put it on a pin and lit it under a glass, and we lifted up the glass and sucked the smoke out through a straw. I took three hits, and I didn't even get much on the third, and it got me soooo high. And a lot sooner, for a lot longer too. I got shy of course, and hid in my room for a while. I was just sitting on my bed, grinning, and I realized how silly that must look, and I started laughing, so then I was sitting on my bed laughing, and realized this was even sillier, and I just felt so good. It was amazing. I went into the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror and I couldn't stop smiling because for once I just felt so good about myself. LH and ML mostly stayed in the bedroom so I was hanging out with MD watching Pete and Pete in the living room. He usually sits really close to me on the couch. Either that or he's curled up on one cushion and I'm curled up on the other. I think he has a crush on me but of course nothing can happen because he's with HB. I wouldn't want anything to happen with MD anyway, as much as I like him, because he and HB seem so happy together. It drives me crazy though. On my couch or on his futon at his apartment I'll be so close to him and it would be so easy to lean over and have him hold me, and I think he would if he were single. He invited me to be his "date" at his company Christmas party because HB won't be back until the 23rd. He text messages me all the time and he always wants to hang out with me. I just think we'd fit really well together and we understand each other pretty well. It seems really natural to be around him, and I can't say that about many people. I'm fine with just being his friend because I definitely don't want to lose someone I get along with so well. It just sucks that we can't see what would happen if we were more than friends. I shouldn't even be thinking about this. I used to be so good at keeping myself from developing crushes on people who were taken. Now it seems like I only find myself attracted to people who are already in relationships. It sucks that every guy in this town is already taken. The only single guys left are really obnoxious and single for a reason. I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone. I was hoping to meet someone tonight at ML's band's show, actually. But LH was too tired to go, even though she stayed up past midnight for some reason? I looked really good. I was actually feeling confident and attractive, but instead I stayed home. For a brief moment I considered calling JBeg, but it was too late. I didn't want to just call him over to fool around like always. I want to actually hang out with him and do some sort of fun activity, or at least see a movie or something. Not just, hello, how are you, let's get this overwith so I can go home and get some sleep. Speaking of sleep, I should get some. I have to be at work for the seasonal meeting at 7:00 in the morning. Bleh. 12:20 p.m. - 2006-11-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh my god. I am on hash right now. Oh my god. Oh my god seriously I feel so amazing and happy and I'm hiding from people in my room but it feels so awesome. I feel weightless. 12:10 a.m. - 2006-11-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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