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(No title)

God damn, I love talking about myself.

52 CONFESSIONS

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
Man, I'm just happy if it's someone besides my mom for once.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Always, and usually I end up returning other people's carts that they've carelessly left in parking spaces, rendering the spaces useless.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Neither. Mostly I just kind of zone out, then realize I'm not paying attention, then have an inner monologue about not listening and having no idea what's going on, and then I remember to actually listen for a couple of seconds, and then I zone out again.

4. Do you take compliments well?
Depends on who's giving them. Half the time I don't believe they're being sincere, or they're just trying to make me feel better.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
No comprendo Sudoku.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
No, I would die after like an hour.

7. Do you like nipple rings?
Not particularly.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
My babysitter forced us all to go to a one-day day camp. We made bread.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
Candy Land and the Game of Life. And all the weird little imaginary games I made up in my head.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
Depends. As long as they don't have a problem with me not being religious, and they're not part of some crazy cult or something, that's cool.

11. Would you ever date someone that made you cry?
Probably every guy I've dated has made me cry at some point. People hurt other people on accident sometimes.

12. Any songs make you cry?
No, unless maybe I'm PMSing.

13. Are you continuing your education?
No.

14. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
No.

15. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you save?
My cats.

16. How often do you read books?
Not often, and I don't know why because I love reading.

17. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
All of the above.

18. Favorite children's book?
I had this badass fairytale book full of stories they never turned into Disney movies, and it had beautiful illustrations. I can't find it at my parents' house anymore. I think it got sold at a yard sale.

19. What color are your eyes?
Blue.

20. How tall are you?
5'1"

21. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Once or twice.

22. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
Man, I don't know. Olive Garden is lame.

23. Where was the farthest place you traveled?
California, I think. How far away is Arizona? Wait, Texas maybe? I don't know which is farther away.

24. Do you like mustard?
Fuck yes.

25. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Can't choose.

26. Do you look like your mom or dad?
Ugh, my dad. I wish I looked like my mom, she was beautiful when she was my age.

27. How long does it take you in the shower?
Half an hour or longer. Like an hour if I shave.

28. Can you do splits?
No.

29. What movie do you want to see right now?
I don't know.

30. What did you do for New Year's?
Had a party and got embarrassingly drunk on like five Smirnoff watermelons. I'm such a lightweight. Also I hugged a lot of people.

31. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
Never saw it, it looks stupid.

32. Do you own a camera phone?
Yes, a brand new one!

33. Was your mom a cheerleader?
No.

34. What's the last letter of your middle name?
E.

35. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
6.5 or less usually, unless I don't have to work the next morning, then it's like 11.

36. Do you like care bears?
I'm indifferent.

37. What do you buy at the Movies?
If I get any food, it's usually popcorn and a small drink. Usually though, I sneak stuff in.

38. Do you know how to play poker?
No, but I can play a simplified version on Super Mario DS!

39.Do you wear your seatbelt?
Obsessively.

40. What do you wear to sleep?
Usually nothing, unless it's really cold in my room.

41. Is your tongue pierced?
No.

42. Do you like Liver and Onions?
I don't eat internal organs.

43. Are you in love?
No.

44. Do you like funny or serious people better?
I like a good balance.

45. Ever been to L.A.?
Not LA, but I have been to California.

46. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
Well seeing as how this apartment complex blocks peer to peer file sharing, and my computer refuses to install Anonybrowser, I pay for all of it..

47. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
My dad being an asshole.

48. Are you a gullible person?
By nature, yes. This is why I've trained myself to pretty much not fully believe anything people say to me. I'm not getting fucked over anymore.

49. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
I always think that way when I'm single, but once I'm in a relationship, I'm still not happy.

50. If you could have any job what would it be?
What if I don't want a job?

51. Are you easy to get along with?
I hope so. I try to be. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not, though.

52. What is your favorite time of day?
Late at night when I'm the most wide awake, or afternoon when it's sunniest.


Anyway. I got a new job! It is pretty sweet. I get my benefits next month, and I am going to put them to good use. I need to get a new prescription for my glasses and maybe even try contacts again, and I should probably go to the dentist too. Mostly though, I'm excited to get some therapy.

I don't really know why I still use this blog. The only person who ever had the URL for it is MD, and I'm pretty sure he abandoned blogger a long time ago. Still though, I can't bring myself to delete it.

5:36 p.m. - 2007-04-18

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(No title)

"you can�t wake up
never wake up
can�t wake up
seems to me like there�s really no reason"

Autolux- Sugarless

Sometimes I feel like I'm defective as a person.

1:00 a.m. - 2007-03-20

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(No title)

I told Anne at work today that I'm bi. It's the first person at work who I've openly spoken to about it. I've hinted at it, I guess. On my Myspace page it says I'm bi, and I never changed it when I friended my coworkers, so I guess if they were paying enough attention they would have noticed, but if so, nobody's said anything about it. I wouldn't have denied it if anyone asked, though. But anyway, back to Anne. She was telling me about how the people at Hobby Lobby made her feel really uncomfortable when she was dating this girl and they went into the store. She said she couldn't even hold hands with her there without feeling like everyone was going to freak out on her. I was like, "I didn't know you were into girls," and she said "Yeah, I'm bi." And I said, "Me too. I mean don't go spreading it around or anything, though."

And I can't figure out why I said that. I'm not ashamed of my sexuality. I don't know why I don't want people from work to know about it. They'd all be cool with it, except maybe AC, who seems like she might secretly be a little homophobic, but she'd still be okay with me, I think. I don't know. I try to tell myself it's because I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable. Or because girls are stupid and think that if I'm bisexual, it means I like all girls, not just a select few. Or because when you come out people treat you differently, not necessarily worse, but differently. They think a compliment might imply something more. And I don't want to look like I'm just doing it for attention, like people thought I was in high school because I was too open about it.

I don't know. It's all of that but really I think I'm just confused. Maybe I'm not as bisexual as I thought I was. I don't want to misrepresent myself. I mean, I'm attracted to girls, that's not the issue. The issue, I guess, is the extent of my attraction to girls compared to the extent of my attraction to guys. I have only really had the desire to date maybe three or four girls. I've had tons of crushes on girls, but couldn't imagine myself dating them. And I don't know if I could be physical with a girl. I think that's more because I'm not confident, though, and because the idea of having sex with a girl is so foreign to me because I've never done it before. Or am I just making excuses? Am I really not that attracted to girls, and I'm trying to cover for it because I've already told so many people I'm bisexual? I don't know. I don't think so. I really am significantly more attracted to females than most women are, but I think on that scale of homosexuality that I might actually be a 2, maybe a 2.5, instead of the 3 that I previously thought I was.

It shouldn't be a big deal. I shouldn't try to label myself like that. I don't know why I'm dwelling on it so much. Still though, I am proud of myself for telling Anne.

7:53 p.m. - 2007-02-13

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(No title)

I hate myself. I just want to be normal.

11:38 p.m. - 2007-02-02

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