This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JK I haven't written since that first date with JK. I've been busy. Since then, we've been pretty much inseparable. Our first date was on February 12th, and at that time, we made plans for Valentine's Day. Which I refused to acknowledge, so we were just going to call it a Netflix date. I guess he couldn't wait two whole days, because he called me up on the 13th to invite me over. I went over to his place, told myself I wouldn't sleep with him... And promptly slept with him. Oh god. He is good. I can't believe I ever thought BK would be the best I'd ever have. BK was lackluster compared to JK. That first night, we made out off and on for hours. I said, "It can't go farther than this," at first. Then he pulled down the neckline of my shirt to expose my right breast. He said, "You are beautiful." How can I resist that? The shirts came off. I said, "The pants stay on." I had him on his back on the couch, with me on top, grinding against him. The faces he made, oh god. Like he couldn't believe this was happening, like a kid in a candy store, like a fucking beast. I remember saying, "It feels nice, to want someone again. And to be wanted." He said, "Yeah, it does." Then after a while I was standing, with him behind me, running his hands all over me. My pants were unzipped. He slid his hand down my panties unexpectedly. Okay, so throw that whole "the pants stay on" rule right out the window. I went to the bathroom to clean up, came back out in my underwear, climbed on top of him, and that was that. The sex was frantic, hungry, animal in nature. God, the way he looks at me! It's like in the pornos. BK never looked at me that way. It was all sweet slow and romantic with him, and when he did actually go harder or faster, he couldn't keep it up for long. JK though, he's strong. And more aggressive. Never scary about it, but he uses just enough force for it to feel just the right amount of dirty. So far nothing's topped that night - probably because I'd gone ten months without sex and I was all pent up, and so was he. But it's still been amazing every time. Oh, and his cock. Is glorious. It's beautiful. I love it. Beyond the sex, everything else has been going very well, too. He wants to spend time with me. He wants to spend time with me! He initiates contact with me. He is absolutely smitten with me, and I am with him. I feel like we're a really good fit. He lives more at my pace, maybe because he's older and has already gotten his restless youth phase out of the way. He's intelligent, but not a dick about it like BK is. He's very sweet and thoughtful and generous. He touches me exactly the way I like to be touched, cuddles me or holds me with the perfect amount of pressure. He says I have cerulean eyes, butterscotch hair. We're going on a trip tomorrow for three days. We'll be seeing a show and doing some sightseeing. We're both very excited. I haven't been on a proper vacation since I was eighteen. BK always refused to travel with me. He couldn't justify spending the money, nor could he even bother to save up for a trip. And now here I am with JK, not even a month into it and we're heading out of state together. It feels like we've been together for longer than this. It feels really good. I don't even really want BK anymore. I still have the occasional pang, I guess, especially when people tell me he's been sad about losing me or misses me. Or, just the other night, MY told us that BK had said several months back, "I don't like the idea of most people dating ANS, but I'd be okay with JK dating her." It's really frustrating to look back on my relationship with BK and wonder, if he feels such a strong sense of loss now, why did he always act like he could take me or leave me, no big deal if we broke up? But I stop myself from dwelling on that for too long, because it's old, and there's no point. Now it's more like, I'm sad that it didn't work out, sad for the loss, but not so sad anymore that I can't have him back. I don't really regret breaking up with him now. He had his chance, and he fucked it up. Strange, how I used to feel like I was the one who fucked up my chance, and now I've turned the tables on how I view that whole situation. So now JK has a chance, and I'm going to try really hard not to pessimistically talk myself out of this, because I think I deserve this. It's been a little scary. I don't always know how to react to being wanted - I want to doubt it, fight it, hide from it, because it's so foreign to me. But I try to push that out of my head, because it doesn't belong there. I deserve to be treated the way JK's been treating me. I'm a good person and so is he, and he cares about me, and he shows it, and I deserve that. 12:26 a.m. - 2014-03-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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