This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Playing house The last few days have been nice. JK's been house sitting for MP and NP, and taking care of their dog. I've spent my evenings over there with him, "playing house" as we've been calling it. Just behaving as if we lived together in this house. It felt pretty natural. We just slipped into it with ease. It makes me think I could live with him in the future. The fact that it's even making me think about a future with him says something pretty big, I think. I've still been depressed lately. I got pulled over on the way to visit JK the other night, because my stupid license plate bulb was burnt out. I got a warning because I pretended not to know about it. But just getting pulled over sent me to tears. I fucking hate cops. I hate getting in trouble. And I couldn't find my insurance card, so that made me more upset. He ended up using my old card to confirm that my insurance is still valid, then sent me off with a warning. Well, then I tried to get to the house, but some asshole was tailing me and the lights were blinding me, and I missed the turn (again). I was still crying from the cop encounter, and this just sent me over the edge. I screamed "FUCK!" and drove around in circles crying really hard until I could get away from traffic and find the fucking street I was supposed to turn onto. Jesus, people follow so closely in this town. So I finally got to the street and I was a complete mess, and planned to just pull into the driveway and calm down and clean off my face. Nope. JK's standing on the corner trying to flag me down. God damn it. So I was humiliated that he saw me that upset, all over getting pulled over. I didn't even get a ticket! Why was I crying?! So I just kept apologizing for being like this, said some embarrassingly overdramatic shit about hating myself, the usual spiel. And he just kept telling me it's okay, it's stressful dealing with cops, that car was following me really closely, it's hard to see the street sign in the dark. I wonder how he really feels when he sees me get all crazy like that. I wonder if he feels the same way BK did. But then things were good. Lots of cuddling in MP and NP's bed while we housesat. We walked the dog, made s'mores with vegan marshmallows (first time I've had marshmallows in thirteen years!), watched movies. I've been neglecting my packing and chores at home, but it was nice to have a sort of "vacation" at that house over the weekend. Ugh, I've stayed up way too late again. Time for bed. 12:46 a.m. - 2014-07-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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