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Quitting ALLLLL the drugs

I have decided to stop taking my meds. I think they're making me gain weight (I read something about it increasing cortisol production? Just what I need, more belly fat). And I miss my old sex drive. I will of course see a doctor for advice on how to taper off safely. I'm piss scared of the withdrawal symptoms. Lexapro withdrawal sounds awful. I might need to stay at JK's for a while if it gets bad.

All side effects considered, it's not worth being 50% less depressed if I'm still depressed, with weight gain and low sex drive as the icing on the cake. It kicked me out of my BK obsession so I could let myself be happy with JK, and helped me to not think about suicide every day, but I do still think about it. My self esteem's still pretty low and I'm not productive at all. If I'm going to stay depressed, I might as well do so without drugs.

On a positive note, I have stopped smoking pot. I gave EH the remainder of what I had. I plan to give away all of my paraphernalia. I haven't even really missed it. Which is often the case when I quit. Then for whatever reason, I forget how depressed it always makes me, start smoking again, then buy some more, then smoke all the time, then get super depressed again. Not this time. I'm getting giving away my pipes to prevent this cycle from restarting.

Today I washed all of the dishes, some of which have been sitting filthy since Christmas, paid my water bill which is two months past due, and started tackling my mountain of recyclables that's been growing since... I don't even remember? It's been months. I've been keeping trash for months. I quit smoking, and got all of this taken care of in one evening. I'm not going to give myself a chance to fuck this up again.

12:26 a.m. - 2015-01-14

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