This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Car accident, weird BK news, JK is still wonderful. Okay, I have given it some thought, and I have decided to hold off on quitting my meds for the time being. I'm going to continue to restrict my calories and increase my activity and see if that yields more results than my usual five pound yo-yo loss/gain cycle. In other news, I got hit by a car on Friday. I was on my bike at a four way stop, and I waited my turn to cross, and just as I was nearing the other side of the street, an SUV started pulling away from a stop sign. I tried to swerve out of the way, and I think I yelled, "God damn it, are you fucking kidding me?" as I went down. He had only just started moving, and I don't think the car actually made contact with my body, just my bike. It bent up the front wheel, and my leg's pretty bruised up, but I'm fine. I was lucky it wasn't more serious. And who should drive by as I'm standing in the street with my bike, trying to sort out what happened with the driver, but JK in his bus? No passengers since he's a supervisor now, so he just pulled into a nearby parking lot and got out to make sure I was okay. He called the cops and stayed with me until we got everything sorted out, then drove me and my bike home in his bus. I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't stop laughing. I wasn't crying from the pain, which was minor, it was more a delayed reaction to the whole situation, I think. It was more like when a toddler falls and doesn't start crying until his mom rushes over to ask if he's okay. I was fine until JK showed up, but then after he swooped in to take care of everything, I guess I felt like it was okay to react. Honestly, I felt embarrassed, and I was pissed that I couldn't keep riding - I had planned to go to the park. Oh, and I kept laughing on the ride home, and for a while after he dropped me off. I kept thinking, "I just got hit by a fucking car." It's surreal. Since then, nothing too exciting's been going on. Went out with KO last night and ended up talking to a guy who turned out to live in my building. So we went to his place and drank, and it was a pretty good time. KC came to visit today, so it was nice to see her. Hung out with JK and he had some weird news about BK. It seems JK's friend JP had to fire BK from his job as a cook. No surprise there, as that is not the kind of restaurant where you can get away with fucking around. Apparently BK told JP that he's been staying up way too late and drinking himself to sleep every night. So that's pretty sad. He's flirted with alcoholism before, and even though I'm resentful as fuck about all the shit we went through when we were together, it's a real shame to see him being so self destructive. I guess JP also said that BK had told him I was "needy". Happily, JK said that he's just not seeing that in me. Turns out having needs doesn't equal neediness, and wanting your long-term partner to spend time with you is normal, and not a sign of excessive dependence. Who knew?? Oh wait, I knew that, the whole fucking time. Oh, JK and I also had some pretty great sex tonight, so that was nice, too. We've almost reached our one year anniversary, and we were talking about how it only feels like it's been a couple of months. He said something like, "It's weird. Before" (meaning with past girlfriends) "there's always been something missing, something I needed to be or do, or something I needed to not be or not do. But not this time." But I can't say that I've ever felt like I needed him to be fundamentally different, or to radically alter his behavior in order for me to be satisfied with him. He's wonderful. He's the nicest man I've ever been with - not just to me, but to everyone. He'd bend over backwards for the people he cares about, and sometimes even for a stranger in need. He's rare. And he's happy with me, too. At first it felt wrong, like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like it couldn't possibly stay this good, long term. And maybe it can't? But over time it's gotten easier to relax. He really is this nice, and he really does love me. He loves me, not who he needs me to be, but who I am. He doesn't need me to be more impressive, or less emotional, or any of that. I'm not happy with myself, not happy with my life overall, but with him, I'm relaxed, content, at peace, and I have a blast. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. In other news, it's way too fucking late, and I'm not in bed yet. 1:12 a.m. - 2015-01-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||