This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page.
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Shades of red of a furious defeat
Still at school. Seriously, I hate this place. I just failed a huge chemistry assignment, because I thought it was due Thursday and I only completed part of it. I got thirty-nine points out of eighty-seven.
And everytime progress reports come out, my mom gives me this big speech, and I can feel how disappointed she is in me, and I cry and she tells me she's worried about me, only she's not really worried about me, she's worried about herself and what kind of mother she'll look like. Well, I don't care anymore, I don't fucking care.
Which is a huge, huge lie. I am failing trig. It's not just a D, it's an F now. And I've actually been attempting to do my homework. It's useless.
And now, of course, I'm every teacher's pity student, I'm the see-me-after-class student, the i-know-you-can-be-more-confident student. Bullshit. Maybe I could be more confident if you could fucking teach.
Okay, my bra is making my nipples itch. That is really uncomfortable. >_<
Hmm. Well, I just remembered something that kind of makes me feel better. AH says she'll be coming over after school today. So that's awesome. We'll probably play Nintendo or something. We keep playing Donkey Kong Country on Super Nintendo. Only we're stuck on one level, because we're idiots. And because AH has inferior Super Nintendo skills.
Oh, and this girl from Thailand, Nik or Nic or Nick or something (I'll say it's Nik, because I like the way that looks) invited me to do something this weekend. Which is awesome, because she's so cute, but I think it would be kind of awkward, because I can't understand most of the stuff she says. She's very quiet, and unsure of her English skills, and of course she has a major accent. But...she's so cute! I don't know if I'll get together with her this weekend or not...I just don't like the communication gap.
GODDAMNIT, stupid bra! >_<
Eh. Well, at least there are only twenty minutes left, and then I can get home and relax. Or play Nintendo. Either one. So I'm going to go pretend I'm working on my chemistry now.
2:17 p.m. - 2003-11-18
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I swear I tried to care
I am at school. In HTML, to be exact. CKopp and LA are sitting in the row behind me. They are complete idiots. I am using very simple sentences.
I brought carrots to school today for lunch. They come in a little plastic pouch with this little container of ranch dip. I don't know why I decided to bring them. I don't even like ranch, usually.
I'm in a weird mood today. I'm fine right now but I feel like if something hit me even slightly wrong, I'd snap. Just snap, like an old rubber band. Heh. Cheesy.
I cried a lot last night. Dad was home when I got home from school, and he never left, except to go to the store for a few minutes. He was out in the living room all afternoon and all night, so I stayed in my room. I tried sleeping, but everytime I did that he came and knocked on my door to ask if I was sick or something. Everytime he did that, it sent this rush of panic up through my stomach and to my heart. It felt like it would never start beating regularly again. That's probably not healthy.
I think Rupe just grabbed ARay's nipple. o_0 That was odd.
I'm hungry. I think during nutrition break, I'll eat my carrots. o_o
9:13 a.m. - 2003-11-18
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Some things just can't be cured, or covered up
I had a panic attack for a full hour and a half today. I'm failing trig. Maybe I'd have a better grade if I wouldn't let BC use my pencil and calculator during lunch, and instead work on my homework. But she said she'd let me copy. And then she didn't. So I really don't think as highly of her as I used to.
I remember when I was smart. When I applied myself. What happened? It's probably because I got over that fear of teachers every kid has. Do your homework or be punished, sit here or be punished, be silent or be punished, it's all fucking bullshit. They're just adults, no different from teenagers in intelligence, no matter what they think. Why should I be afraid of them?
Today wasn't all bad, though. Chelsie started going to my school today. She used to go to our rival school, but she hated it there. She's pretty cool, but a lot of people here know her, so she's going to have this reputation, and it's going to be annoying, because she's going to be another NS. Especially since they're friends.
So yeah, I'm going to go read or play Nintendo or scream or something. Because my dad is in here, in the dark, lying on the couch with his fucking pillows, which means he won't be budging anytime soon. He fills me with this silent rage...dramatic, no? So...I'm going now.
6:17 p.m. - 2003-11-17
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Day after bloodsucking day
School is boring. Like, really boring. I'm in Broadcast Journalism right now. I should be working on my math. I'll just copy someone. It's not like I actually know how to do it anyway.
This stupid chick is so annoying. She talks like a six-year-old. I want to strangle her. She thinks she's so fucking cute. And people buy it. Just because she talks all timid and meek and high-pitched, she's adorable. Whatever, I'm not buying it. She needs to grow up and stop giggling.
I am in a bad mood today. Just mad at everybody.
Jerks.
I want to go home. I forgot to bring food today, so I think I'll have to eat vending machine food. I've never eaten anything out of the school's vending machines before. Kind of sad, considering this is my third year here. I have just not lived yet.
So I'm really getting hungry. Jerks.
I need to get together with JBeg this weekend. Because he's pretty. And awesome. Only I don't think he's actually the National Judo Champion. But whatever, it's not like JD never made up crazy stories, and I went out with him for months.
Seriously, these stupid girls need to shut up, and stop giggling, and never open their mouths again. Especially LW. She just gets on my nerves. She should be stabbed by a thousand rabid bees.
8:29 a.m. - 2003-11-17
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