This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Guess who's not packing right now? JK inadvertently hurt my feelings for the first time the other night. I was telling him a brief story about something messed up from my childhood, and he tried to steer the conversation away from what he jokingly(?) called my "evil past". So I asked, "Does it bother you how much I talk about my evil past?" He said "I just think it's weird. You seem to revel in it." It made me feel bad, but I didn't tell him so. I just said, "That's just how I am." It only hurt because it's true. And because he labeled it weird, I guess. He meant well, and he put it as gently as he saw fit, but I wish he could have considered how that would make me feel. Maybe he did, and that was the gentlest way he could think of to get his point across? Oh, he also made a "joke" when he helped me pack and move some boxes out, about how he wanted to call my craft stuff "crap stuff". And it was really hard not to snap back with something mean, like "At least I have a hobby." I felt defensive because he called me out on my behaviors which I have started to identify as hoarding. I'm only just realizing how slippery that slope's been getting in recent years, and I've taken some steps to get rid of stuff, as mentioned in my previous entry. I still have a lot of downsizing to do after I move. I don't want to be the kind of person who holds onto trash or unused objects with the excuse, "I could use it for crafts!" Or "What if I need to wear an orange shirt for a costume?!" It makes me nervous that he's starting to notice these things in me, because they're the same things BK always criticized. And I'm trying to handle it differently this time when I feel criticized, but it's new territory. 10:42 p.m. - 2014-07-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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