This blog often contains uncomfortable subject matter and occasional sexual content. If you don't want to read about it, empower yourself to close the page. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What I am doing instead of going to bed I have this terrible lack of self control when it comes to skin issues. And in general. But damn, for real with the skin issues. I know I'm not supposed to pop this thing, and yet I still tried to pop it, and of course it didn't do anything but bleed and swell, and now it's the size of a quarter, and it hurts like hell. Good job, me. Way to adult. I'm being mean to myself again. It's always been how I "motivate" myself or attempt to learn from my mistakes. But lately I've been realizing that maybe it serves more to demotivate me. My new method is, if I catch myself telling myself I'm stupid, incompetent, fucking fat, etc., I ask myself, "Would you say something this mean to anyone else's face?" Hell, I wouldn't even say most of this stuff about very many people behind their backs. It actually works pretty well. Next time I catch my ten-year-old cousin shit-talking herself (which she does frequently, because yeah, they ruined her, too), I'm going to ask her the same question. So hey, today is BK's birthday. Happy birthday, you fucker. It's coming up on two years since we broke up, but I still miss when we loved each other. I still beat myself up for not being able to be what you wanted me to be. I wonder if you regret losing me as much as I used to regret breaking it off. Mostly, though, I just want to stop dwelling on you as often as I do. I don't want to forget, so much. I just want to get over it and get on with my life. On the subject of getting on with my life, I think I've decided on my new year's resolutions? I don't usually bother to make them, because I see it as an excuse to disappoint myself. But this year I want to do the 52 week money challenge, and also finish all of my old knitting and crochet projects. Or, the ones that I decide not to finish, unravel them so the yarn can be used for something else, or get rid of them. I think these two things are doable. I'm not going to try and say I'll lose weight, or exercise daily, or that nonsense. Let's at least be realistic. I think I would feel proud, though, if I finished all of my projects. Now to get started on my half-assed, unofficial resolution - going to bed on time, getting up early without snoozing. Ummm, well, I'm working on that first part, anyway. 11:37 p.m. - 2014-12-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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